I know, I know…where in the world has “Perfect Me Not” been the last 45 days!? I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for that. I’ve been so incredibly grateful to my followers and friends who’ve supported me, and I promise to make it up to you! To all of the people who have reached out and asked me, “Are you coming back?!” – thank you! The last several weeks have been so challenging and I just really needed to take a step back and refocus. I was drowning in all areas of my life, and I’m so glad I’ve had the last six weeks to recharge.
“… Place the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping small children or others who may need your assistance.”
Yeah, I’ve failed to do that. My health was suffering, my emotional state was drowning. I was just spinning my wheels – and I had been for AT LEAST a year. The end of June it just finally hit me that I needed to regroup, refocus and make some significant changes. When I finally decided to do that, to put ME first, I can honestly tell you that everyone has benefited! I was all about making this summer one of incredible fun and adventures for the kids. We were able to do so many fun things. However, once I put myself first, all those fun things just started to naturally occur. I was happier. I was healthier.
Friends, do NOT underestimate the debilitating power of depression. You’d probably never know unless you’re super close to me, but I have suffered from depression for several years now. I was one of those women who would go to my doctor, cry through the entire appointment, get a prescription for an anti-depressant, and then avoid the pharmacy’s automated voice calls telling me my ‘script was ready. I did this at LEAST five times over the course of the last couple years. Mind you, in addition to my family doctor, I see a functional medicine doctor who is really “crunchy and granola-y” as some would like to say. I do believe in holistic medicine, but at the same time, I know there is a need for traditional medicine. I went through thousands upon thousands of dollars in medical testing all for them to tell me I was “A-OK”. Why did I go through the family doctor/anti-depressant song and dance? Because I was way stronger than that, right? Way bigger than my depression. Maybe if I just ate better, and exercised, and got in better shape, or did more with my family, or fixed all of these external issues, my depression would go away. Maybe if I just cut out ALL carbs and go sugar free, and run three miles a day, I could force that depression out of my life.
Cue the moron sign.
You know what I did the last week of June? I made some significant changes in my life, and then I went BACK to my family doctor. I cried through yet ANOTHER appointment. That is how bad my depression was. I was doing all of the right things. I was eating well, I was exercising, I was being an impeccable mother, so why did I feel so sad all of the time? She said, “Jodi, I am going to call in this breastfeeding safe prescription for you. I promise you that I would not prescribe this to you if I felt it was a danger to the baby. We will start with a low dose and I want to see you in four weeks. Promise me, for the sake of yourself, you will trust this process.” I left her office and immediately had my prescription filled and began taking the medicine. It doesn’t matter if it’s situational depression or not – please, talk to your doctor.
After making so many changes, I have laughed with my children more in the last six weeks than I think I have in the last year. I’m going to church again, I’m praying daily, I’m attending a 10-week Friday night class at my church. Even on days where I’m not quite exactly sure what I need from God, I just beg of Him, “Please reveal yourself to me.” At the end of the day, isn’t that what we want from Him? Please, provide me comfort and REVEAL yourself to me. Show me you’re here. Show me that you haven’t left me. Please, friends. Take CARE of yourself. REMOVE negativity from your life. Remove people who don’t see the importance of your contribution, the importance of your value. Ask God for His help. Be specific in your prayers. TRUST your gut. Surround yourself with positive, appreciative, caring people. Be accepting of people who want to help you. Know how valuable your contributions are. I appreciate every single one of you so incredibly much. You are such an amazing asset to your children, your spouses, your families, your friends…to this UNIVERSE. Treat yourself as such.
Now, off to pick my big girl up from middle school. I love my little family more than life.